Our Life with Sweet Baby James

I havent been very good about updating this blog like I want to. I have been posting a lot over on www.jumpinforjames.blogspot.com with the surgery coming up most of my attention has been on St Louis and surgery related details.  But we do still have a family life I promise.

Josh's work has finally started to pick up with his new position. God is truly an on time God I will tell  you that!! My photography business is going well and I am working to build my name even more. I hope that this summer after James surgery I can get back to marketing like I want to. But right now just keeping my word of mouth work is going well. Our dog sushi is really made herself at home here. She and James are BIG buddies and wrestle about every evening. It is pretty cute!

Tomorrow we leave for St Louis I will update when I have a yes or no!!

Oh how I hate " the little room" ! I was first placed in a little room about 3 years ago when the fertility doctor came to tell me that our efforts might be because I am unable to carry a child to term and that we might want to start "exploring" our options. Then 2.5 years ago I was place in that little room when I was told that James had failed his stress test and that my water had broken and he needed to be delivered.

Tuesday of this week I was again place in a little room. But this time it was because my OB found a lump in my left breast. I went to the doctor because I was having pain in my chest and down my left arm. Come find out I had hurt my Ulna nerve in my neck and that is fixed with some steriods and muscle relaxers but during the exam he found a lump. Honestly just the day before I too had noticed it and just thought it might be a good idea to tell him about it. I was hoping that he would say that I was being silly and there was nothing there. That didnt happen.

Instead he sent me to get a ultrasound and if they couldnt idetifiy what the lump was they were going to do a Mammogram. The radiologist is unable to identify the lump with ultrasound AND Mammogram so Thursday I had to have a ultrasound guided biopsy. We were again waiting in the little room. I find myself today in a larger room ( my living room) but I still feel like I am couped up in that stuffy room wearing a paper robe waiting on what is the next path we are intended to take.

I will be honest in telling you that I feel a little picked on  and not too sure how much more I can handle in my life. But I am clinging to my Savior and I HAVE to believe that He knows more about what I can handle than I do. I have been watching James play this morning, since I cancelled all his appts this week, and just wondering what will life look like next week. How is life going to change? I do have a very good feeling that the news will be good news. I am only 31 and have no family history of breast cancer so I feel like the odd are in my favor on this one. I will feel much better when those feelings are confimed though!

So I ask for your prayers today. Prayers that this too will pass and that whatever news we get today I can handle with God's guidance.  Thank you

Saturday evening James and I got into the Love Day spirit and made some Valentine cookies and cards for Daddy, Grandmamma and PawPaw.

It was really fun.....MESSY but fun!

I made the sugar cookies earlier in the day and did the initial icing so that James could just decorate them. I thought that I would have a hard time keeping him from eating his cookie but he really seemed to understand that we were making these cookies for Daddy and that we had to wait to eat ours until afte dinner. I think that is pretty impressive for a 2 year old.

It was really cute to watch James get into putting the sprinkles on his Daddy's cookie. He wanted to really get them to stick on the icing and that would not alway work out, but he finally figuerd out how to drop them on the cookie after a little instruction.

I  have to say that I will never need another bit of chocolate again because these are the ONLY candy cover goodies that I need. I could just eat these sweet little fingers UP!!!

After he made his Daddy's cookie and the cookies for his grandmamma and PawPaw we ate dinner and James FINALLY got to enjoy his cookies. And boy did he enjoy them!!!

And of course to finish it all off a nice glass of milk!!!

Not really any new big news happening in our little family. We are just taking things day at a time. As a family we are dealing with some financial issue that are of course stressful but we are praying that God will open doors or show us those open windows when a door is shut. Josh has gotten a (sort of) promotion. It doesnt include a pay increase  but it does offer more leads to him. It means he works a few more hours which we are getting used to but hopefully it will mean that things will look up for us soon financially. This is a slow time for my photography and we had been counting on that to get use through so right now we are in need of prayers that we can make it through this time right now.

I know that there are so many in the country going through the same issues we are and I encourage you to also add those families in your prayers. Josh and I know that our Savior has promised to provide for us and we have a peace in that. There are so many that dont have that peace and I dont know how they get out of bed in the mornings. I pray that first they find that peace ! Now this isnt to say that I dont have those times where I turn my eyes from Him and try to "fix" our issues on my own. But when I fall on my face I a know that God is there to pick me up and show me the path again. Isnt that GREAT!!!

My prayer is that if you are reading this have no idea what peace I am talking about. EMAIL me! I would love to share with you exactly where I find my strength to deal with everything this world throws at us!

I took James to the *GP and she did the RSV test on James and it was negative, yippie! I was very happy about this because with surgery on our horizon and James' history of premature lungs RSV is a BAD thing for James. It could even cause him to not be able to have the SDR surgery ( if is was bad enough) But we are, knock on wood, in the clear for that.   mes even felt like playing this evening before bed.

A few years ago I found the cutiest little train set. I was so excited to find it because at the time Josh and i had found out that we were expecting after a IUI at our fertiliy office. We had not told anyone because it was pretty early and our bloodwork numbers didnt look that great. So we decided to just wait before we shared the good news. But when you are carring a child in your body you still feel excited, even when fear is in the back of your mind. So I bought a train set for our little growing baby not knowing boy or girl but every kids love trains right?

I brought the train set home that evening and was excited to show it to Josh. But my excitment was very short lived because our sweet baby that I was growing inside me didnt make it. I was so sad to loose this baby and everytime I look at this train set I thought of him or her and what he or she would have looked like playing with it.  Would s/he like to pretend with the little animals....

Or would s/he prefer to drive the little trains and cars on the tracks.

But Josh and I will never get to play  trains with that child on this side of heaven. We have loved each child that we were blessed with even if it was for far too short of a time. We feel blessed that God has given us the joy and tears of our experiences because only through this we know what true happiness is. I know that even though my sweet baby James wasnt feeling well today he is HERE and playing with this train set. Although I thought this train set was for another child. God knew that James would give me the ability to smile when I took it out of its box instead of feeling that pain of loss. I praise God that He saw fit to allow me to parent James and be his mother in the good times and also in those times that are diffifult. Sometimes I am not very good at seeing the Big Picture of life and I get bogged down in the pain of the present.

It is amazing how something as simple as playing Trains with a 2 year old can remind you just how blessed you are. God is so good to remind me of how He can heal a heart simply with the sound of a 2 year old giggling at the sight of a train traveling around and around.

Thank you Jesus for making my sweet baby feel better so you can teach me to trust with ALL my fear and heartache. I thank you for the blessings of my family and the joys you have blesses up with.

Amen!

I got to thinking today that I have shared lots of medical words about surgery, physical therapy, occupational therapy, feeding and speech therapy, but I have not just posted a good ole' update about how James is developing as a kid and how we are as a family. So here goes ....

Here are some of the basic stats first. James is still about 25-26lbs and at last check he was 34inches tall ( I think he will have grown at next check) He is about in the 9% for weight and the 25% for height at his last well visit. We just got back his speech evals and he is at or above what a kid his age should be in most areas. He is behind in articulation ( making the words) so he understands and can express just like other 2 year olds in fact he is expressing a little more but he is hard to understand ( low muscle tone in mouth) I was SUPER excited to hear this because getting to hear how smart someone thinks your kids is ...well that is every Mommy's idea of a good day right?? 

Now lets talk about the "real" James. You know the one that like to blow rasberries in the tub and thinks it is super funny to pick his nose in Wal-Mart. Yeah THAT James

James is still totally obssesed with all things Letters! Any show that says letters cartoon or not is a winner in his book. We watch Wheel of Fortune EVERY night without fail. Some people have asked me if I am kidding about watching this show and TRUST me I am not. Our house schedule revolves around making sure James gets to watch his "Letters"! Not because he will have a fit but because the pure joy it gives him to scream out E!!!! is hilarious to us! He can recognize just about all of the letters. He loves for Josh or I to sit with the Mag-na-doodle and write a letter and he will tell us what it is. There are about 5 letters that he has a hard time with but other than that he has the, all down in any order. Everyday I ask him what his favorite letter is and it changes day today but he has an affinity for B! We are working on shapes and colors right now and he is catching on really quickly. I get a kick out of how he says Triangle...T-Rangle! lol

When he wants more of something he is NOT shy about telling you more, but he likes to add about 3 extra syllables to the word and it comes out mow-wor. I think the southern accent will be passed heavily to him I am afraid  His little voice is deep and quite loud when he wants to be.

But oh how sweet he is! I mean I know other Mommies love their babies but I think they might trade them in for James if they got one of those kisses and hugs he give in the morning. His humor is so dry and off... and I love it!  He and I love to play the face game. This is where he sits on my lap and I just make serious or silly faces and listen to him laugh. (I think I might enjoy this one more) He amazes me at how he can pick up on the tone and humor of someone. Of course Josh and I are pretty dry so I guess the apple doesnt fall far eh?

James' favortie toys are his Leap Frog letter tablet, Mag-no-doodle and the Little people Bus. He is starting to get into trains. I found a Lionel Toddler train set at a yard sale years ago and just broke it out the other day. He and I sat for about 2 hours setting it up and watching the "choo-choo" go bye bye. He is starting to get the idea of placing the little town around the track but right now it is more fun to watch Mommy do it. We have hade to have a few talks about how dinosaurs dont belong on trains, eventhough there is a show called dinosaur train!

That brings me to favorite cartoon shows. Blues Clues is still up there and I use it when I need him to be still and quiet!  But as James is getting older he has added to his list. he is really starting to get into Elmo and SS, Super Why, and Dinosaur Train are is next go to shows. I let him watch TV in the morning at breakfast ( so i can get ready!) and  then in the afternoon after nap. I try to keep his TV at a 2 hr MIN! But to be honest there are those days that I need a break and he watches more

Overall he is doing GREAT! Yes we have hills that need to be climbed with eating and development but that isnt what this post is about. I wanted to talk about all the positive "normal" kid stuff that James does. I needed to be a bragging Mommy for a min and to share that my son is BRIGHT, FUNNY and has a BIG future ahead of him! Please know that I have never doubted that for one second. If he never takes one independant step on this side of heaven James WILL be successful. And he has Josh and I cheering him on every step of the way ( and about 1,285 Fans as of last count!)

Yeah! I am SO excited about this feature. Ok so you know how to say anything on my blog you have to go to the Guestbook section and leave something? I have always hated that but NO MORE! You can leave a comment directly on each post. So now this blog can be more interactive and I can get feedback from all my readers about when posts you like what you think about them. I probably shouldnt be this excited about this feature but I have to admit that I really and a bloggy nerd so I am excited * pushing glasses up and pocket protector down*

Now for the second half of this post. I have always tried to be super honest on this blog about  our lives. frustrations, joys, heartaches and just about everything in between and I hope those of you that read this have enjoyed that about my blog. This is really a place for me to organize my thoughts about being a mother and wife. I have made it a resolution that in 2010 I am going to Blog Boldly. Some of my favorite bloggers have stated this and it really got me thinking. No you might be thinking that I have been pretty Bold on a few of my post, and honestly a few of them have gotten me into some trouble here in reality land. I have burned a few bridges with my blog and lost a few friends along the way. I do hate that some have been offended by my honesty and have chosen to part ways with me but I can only control me and what I feel is God call on my life. I certainly hold NO claim on perfect, in fact I am further away than most! I do seek God's will for my life and my families life.  So with that said..... Hold on to your Hats cause I have a new mission to be a Bold Blogger!!

   The past few days have shown me that the God I serve is an amazing God. He will show up just when you need Him. Most of you know that I started is Facebook Fan page for James called " Jump in for James" Well I started this after Josh and I praying over how God would provide for our travels and medical cost to St. Louis. So we decided that prayer is what we needed and facebook was the first place to start. I NEVER thought that just one week later we would be looking at 1,000 fans!!! I am just amazed that one little boy can draw so many in. But then again look at this face!!! I mean how can you NOT be drawn in to that face

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I dont know why I am surprised when Gos shows us that open window when so many doors were closed because He promised he would. I THANK you all for your prayers and look forward to this new year. 2010 is going to be a year of wonderful changes in our lives and I look forward to sharing them with all of you!!!

So it wasnt exactly a Blizzard but here in the Deep south we will take what we can get right. You all know that I adore snow and even though we laugh at hose Alabama will shut down over just the talk of the "s" word I LOVE IT! I love that Josh got to come home early Thursday because they were closing the interstate down even before the snow got here. I love that Josh got to STAY home on Friday because the roads were closed after we got a whole 1 and 1/2 inches of snow  I LOVE IT!!

Friday afternoon we got all bundled up like we had gotten a foot or two. And since he cant really run around in it I thought he would like to "snowmobile" in the snow. So we took his little AVT he got for Christmas out and let him drive around in the snow. He had a blast!! So did his Mommy and Daddy, who seemed to have gotten in a snowball fight after about 5 min outside!! ( I won!)

I even built out teeny tiny snowman that you see in our pictures above! Yes little snowman is lacking a bit in stature but he sure made up for it in the FUN that we had building him. I am sorry to say though that his snow wife's head was eaten and then run over by James! But the surviving snow husband was able to pose for a family picture.

And of course, when we all came inside I made REAL hot chocolate with toasted marsh-mellows for all of us. James had never had hot chocolate before and he didnt quite know what to do with it but after a few sips he got into it and finished every drop. After all the snow fun we all took a NAP and it was wonderful!!

 I LOVE SNOW!!!  Here are our pictures from our snowday

Sushi Loved the snow too. She liked to rund circles around James has he rode his AVT.

This is a terrible and blurry picture but it was hard to catch the two of them being still! So I had to get what I could. They had so much fun playing together. James loved to pull her while he was driving. I'm not sure if Sushi liked that as much.

It was hard to keep up with James after he got the hang of driving in the snow!

Mr and Mrs. Snowman! (before the hit and rum....um I mean accident!) If you look in the back ground of the first snowman picture you can see James coming!!!

YIKES!! I am just now crawling myself out from under the covers to sit on the couch. I hope this post makes sense but just wanted to update about the Start to our 2010!

Josh and I had a lovely New Years Eve. James went over to mom and dad's house for a "Grand" New Years eve party. Dad day prior had a little stomach bug that we all thought was food related since it was a one time thing and ne never felt bad after. So I felt it was fine to let James spend the night. We went down to Mom's New Years day cause Josh wanted to watch the football games with dad, and it was a good morning and afternoon. When we got home that night James was not interested in eating and my stomach was feeling a little queezy. After a few bites of food James threw up everywhere!! It was a shocker!

We got him cleaned up and then I got sick. Well before the night was over Josh had joined the sick wagon. all three of us stayed in the bed literally all day saturday. In fact Josh and I both feel like saturday was all a dream... a really bad dream!! lol

 So it is now Sunday and although we both feel like run over dogs, we are at least out of the bed. I have tried to do a few things but found that I need to come back and lay down before I can do anything else. I am hoping this isnt a sign for what 2010 is going to be  

We had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Morning. We stayed out a little later that we wanted to on Christmas Eve but it was because we were enjoying spending time with family so it was ok. James didnt get in the bed until about 11pm  but he had a great time. In the morning Josh and I got up and turned all the light on and started getting brunch together for our company that would be comming later in the day. At about 8:30 James woke up and  we showed him all the presents that Santa brought him.

Well actually James decided that he wanted to ride Sushi like a horse, and it IS Christmas so....

Sushi didnt think this was such a great idea!

Then the present time began. James was so much fun this year opening presents. He gave the best reactions and said WOW each time he saw what was inside. Here are a few pics from our morning

And this was his FAVORITE by far! It was a super cheap Mag-na-Doodle that we got as a last min stocking stuffer and James loves it. He played with it for hours yesterday and today I went and got him a Real one.......Yep Spoiled I know but why not

I hope your Chrsitmas was just ans wonderful!!! Now are you ready for 2010??! Well I think I am and I hope you all will join us for the ride. I have re-newed our subscription to keep this blog up for yet another year. So join us !!!!

Sing with me!! " Dora Dora Dora the Explorer...." Oh what is that you dont know that tune? Well spend one day in this house and you will by the end of the day. If you  saw my status on facebook yesterday you know that I have James the Explorer in MY house!!

Now just know that I keep a good eye on James. I really do. But I just cant be everywhere every second of the day and I have gotten ok with that. It is the only way I can keep my sanity. James HAS to have freedom to explore and play in his house. BUT I do usually keep doors to rooms that I dont want him in closed. Yesterday while I was busy cooking in the kitchen it seems that he was able to get hte bathroom door open.

I hear singing coming from the bathroom. " I map! Map Map!"  And this instantly get my attention. Last time I checked  I have not been storing "maps" in my bathroom so I wondered what he was talking about. As you can see from the picture James had found his own maps to play with. For the past few days paper and especially any paper that folds has been a map.  So I guess Mommy's personal products fit the bill just right in his mind.

I hate that I had cleaned up most of the damage before I thought to grab my cellphone and snap a picture. He actually had taken several and unwrapped them and they were all over him. It was pretty funny!! Ahhhhh what will this child think of next to get into. It is a good thing that he only has that mentaly ability of a 9 month old RIGHT?!?!?! ( yeah right)

Happy Thanksgiving!!! I am thankful to all my readers here on this blog. Even those of you that ready in secret  Thank you for giving me a place to bare my soul. have a few laughs, and safe money on therapy!!! LOL I love writing this blog more and more everyday and knowing that so many actually want to read the crazy that comes out of my mouth is astounding to me. But I am thankful!!!

I hope everyone eat your fill of turkey or whatever your family makes special on thanksgiving. Have  safe and Happy Thanksgiving!!! Gobble Gobble from the Pollard's to you!!